Anushua, I have a lot I've got to say about this, so I'm going to break it down into parts.
1. You are not alone. I'm 39, single, and childless. I took myself out of the dating game for a long while so I could get a handle on my OCD. Believe me, I know it's difficult, but there are plenty of 30-and-over folks out here who are in the same boat as you. You're not stranded on an island all by yourself. You have plenty of good company!
2. I obviously don't know you all that well and haven't met you in real life. but you're one of the first people I followed on Medium. It's been at least 2 years, and I think maybe closer to 3, since we first interacted on here. Since then, I've read almost everything you've written. And through your writing, I've gotten a glimpse into your mind and learned a little bit about how you think, what kind of heart you have, and what kind of person you are. And going off of everything I've learned about you, I've got a very strong suspicion that you are a very easy person to fall in love with. I'm not just saying that to put your mind at ease. I mean it in all sincerity. And I have no doubt that you will find the person you're looking for. It's just a matter of time before it happens.
3. Bear in mind that our generation (millennials) aren't in as much of a hurry to settle down as past generations were. In all likelihood, the person you're looking for is wandering around somewhere out there, taking their good old time, and just waiting for the right person (you) to come around.
4. The negative feelings you're experiencing are almost certainly being amplified by this pandemic. I've noticed the same thing in myself, my friends, and my relatives. The isolation we're all dealing with is making us feel more disconnected from each other than we really are. But when the pandemic is over and you're back out there doing your thing and looking for the right guy, I guarantee you that a lot of these feelings are going to subside. Will they still be there? Will you still feel loneliness and frustration over being single? Probably, yes. But I guarantee you that they won't be nearly as intense as they are now. Try to remember that when you're feeling down and despondent. This past year has really messed with all our heads. It's not weird or unusual to be feeling extra lonely right now, but it *will* pass when things get back to normal.
I was going to add a couple more things, but this a ridiculously long response as it is, lol. So yeah, I think I'll stop there for now. But seriously, you're a very impressive woman, Anushua, and I am 100% certain that you deserve the love you're looking for, and that you will find it eventually. It might take a little longer than you'd like because of everything that's happening in the world right now, but it definitely will happen. I have zero doubts about that.
P.S. I dont know if you're on Twitter. But if you are, and if you're ever feeling especially lonely and would like someone to chat with or to vent to, my DMs are always open. My handle is @DAKirk01 if you'd like to connect. :)