I wholeheartedly agree, Lamar. I can’t just settle into any old philosophy, religious or otherwise, for the sake of comfort or convenience. I’m weirdly obsessed with the very concepts of knowledge and truth, and that obsession has unexpectedly grown as I’ve gotten older. So if and when I do figure out exactly what I believe, I have to then verify that those beliefs are as grounded in the truth as much as any belief can be.
I also have considered that the “tugging” I feel could indeed be coming from a higher power of some sort. But I also have to consider that it’s my mind playing tricks on me as well. I haven’t figured out which, though I suppose that much is obvious, lol.
Also, I quite appreciate the way you broke down the path you’ve followed into an easy-to-understand formula. I think the “consistency” part is what I really need to work on. I’ve spent a fair amount of time working on the “big questions,” but I do frequently get distracted by trivial matters that I shouldn’t concern myself with. That’s something I do need to address more thoroughly than I have so far.
But so thank you for taking the time to read the piece, Lamar, and also for sharing your thoughts! Peace and love to you as well! :)