The first few years after I was diagnosed with OCD, these were the types of obsessions that hounded me day after day. They’ve since been replaced with contamination obsessions (similar to the ones Howard Hughes dealt with in The Aviator), but I will never forget just how frightening those first few years were.
OCD is hell, but you’ve got to keep believing that it’s a hell that you can and will eventually escape from. It’s exhausting, to be sure, but I have faith that you’ll find something that works for you, whether it be CBT, ERP, or something else.
Kudos to you for being so open about it, and never forget that you are most certainly not alone.